Communication is Key

I feel like I usually need to have a purpose for writing or at least a topic so I can write more than just what we did in the past week. There has been times in our marriage we didn't understand each other but after being married for 2 years now we have it figured out...well we did until everything changed! During our first year of marriage we learned how to communicate with each other in all the different ways and our own preferences. As we are changing in this new stage in life I feel like some of the things we have to relearn and remember again. Having Claire creates a need for more communication and even though we talk every day there are things about our conversations that get misinterpreted still.

Talking in Text:

Texting is one of the worst ways to have a real conversation and I would tell anyone to avoid serious conversations through texting at all cost. The only reason we text each other anymore is to tell basic information or ask for when the other will be home. There is no way to show real emotion through a text message and trying to interpret what the other person is feeling is a waste of time because I'm wrong more than half the time.

Over the Phone:

While talking on the phone is a step above texting, you should always try to make a serious conversation face to face, or at least a video. When we were separated through 4 hours of driving, a lot of our conversations to tell our feelings were over facetime so we could see expressions. I found that phone calls were a good enough way to share feelings when I was away from him if there wasn't a way to facetime.

Daily Conversations:

Our every day conversations that contain how we vent about our day and ask each other questions are the ones that need the most work. I think also one we will be constantly learning and adapting over our many years together because it is used so often. The dynamic of how we talk to each other changed now that Claire is such a big part of our lives and how we take care of her. When we decide things as parents that need to happen for her they are for her best interest, but sometimes they come out in the wrong way especially if there is a little tiredness or frustration behind the 'request'. Learning how to talk in front of her so she doesn't hear any anger in our disagreements is also something we are working on because we want her to know we lover her and each other.

Weekly Inventory:

This form of communication is the level that created a great connection between the two of us and has helped us understand each other. We started this practice about a month before we were married to share on a deeper level how we felt about everything that was happening to us and when we got married we decided to try having this inventory every week. We first share what we appreciate about the other person, especially specific instances in the past week that we have noticed. After sharing the positives, we talk about what was hard for us during the week or if there was something the other person did that hurt feelings. The most important part about this discussion is to share ideas of how to make life easier for each other knowing exactly how they feel about the previous week.

We will be able to learn more and more as we use our communication to raise our beautiful baby girl and try to show her an example of how to communicate well. She hasn't started talking yet but soon enough her goos and whines will start being words and I hope she will learn positive attribute from us.

How to Long Distance Love

How to long distance love!

I've mentioned how Chris and I started our relationship without knowing each other when he was in South Korea and when we decided to date he was in Idaho while I was in Missouri. I thought it would be helpful to give ways we made things work so well and share how to make long distant relationships bearable. We had another time where we were long distance after we got married and he had a job 4 hours away, but there will be time in the future that we are bound to be apart. This is not advice suggesting you do long distance because it does suck, but I want to help people who have found themselves in the situation. 

Communication

This is what should be the foundation of every relationship if you want it to be a good experience whether the outcome is marriage or a break up. There wasn't a day that passed that Chris and I would at least say good morning and good night to each other so we stayed connected. If he was busy during the day and I had work in the evening so there wasn't time to talk, a text that shares our desires to be in each other's worlds helped tremendously. There also should be reasons behind not being able to talk on the phone that make it clear you aren't trying to avoid the other person. If you can't make them a priority when they want to talk, it puts a strain on the relationship that has no business being there. Also be willing to listen to other persons day and make sure you ask them questions to show that you are interested in their life.

Honesty 

As with any relationship, this is the most important part along with communication that can help a relation with distance survive. No matter what stage of a relationship you are in, honesty can make or break what could be between the two of you. This also includes if feeling are starting to change now that you two are apart, and even if you think it might hurt the other person. Sharing what you are thinking and feeling can help prevent anyone from getting hurt in the future, just like you would want to know what they are thinking. I know that Chris and I were honest when we said we didn't like playing games or being manipulated while in a relationship and shared when we felt like we were being mistreated.

Trust

Another no brainer on this one because every relationship needs trust, but more so in a long distance relationship. If you don't trust the person, there will be a lot of paranoia and that will create so many problems between you and your significant other. Trust is something that needs to be expressed and the two of you can only have if you have honesty and communication constantly. If you think you are starting to not trust your partner then it is time for a serious talk again about how things are going between you two. 

Planning

When you are far away from a significant other, there should always be planned a way to see each other next. Don't end a trip to see each other with "I can't wait to see you again," instead say "I will see you in [enter length of time], and I can't wait!" There will be some times that life gets crazy and plans go astray, but most the time if you make the effort to set a time to see each other again, it will happen. Depending on the distance, planning to see each other can be hard, but as long as there is a time you know is in the future that you be together, anticipation will help pass that time more quickly than you think.

Participate

Surprisingly enough, it is easy to start thinking of yourself as single when you aren't around your significant other. I noticed this happened more with a couple who were married for a long time and got separated for a time when he got a job and she was getting things together to join him. It is easy to forget about the little details of the others lives when you have a new life you are 'starting' somewhere else. Remember to participate in the relationship in all the ways you can by communicating, sending packages, taking pictures of things to share, and reminding the other person you love them.

Save

So this has more to do with the benefit that long distance can have since when you save messages, letters, or other things the were shared between the two of you, it makes it special. Make a big deal about putting things in a special box like souvenirs from places you went together when you went on dates, pictures of the two of you, and other things that make you think of each other. When things seem tough and life is hard being separated, look in the box and remember you are happy together and things will be happy again. What really helps in this box would be if you had a record from when you two started to date and the flirting that went on between you.

Commitment

It has to be said, there must be commitment between the parties and if there isn't full commitment from both people then its just not going to work. There is no way to force a relationship when someone doesn't want it so if they aren't showing interest, it is time to let it go and move on. When both people are committed, the distance doesn't seem to matter as much and every problem can be solved by just talking through what is going wrong and changing how you show each other you love them. If 

*Keep in mind that this advice is coming from someone who dated a lot of different people and the only relationship that turned into marriage was the one that was long distance so it can work. If things seem to not be working out it just may not be the right person, I had to wait for the right time and the right person to come into my life and I thought I had to wait forever!

Update on what is really important:

Claire is learning to blow bubbles just to get attention and is loving putting everything into her mouth that is near her. Keeping the house and objects clean in an effort to protect her from too many germs is becoming a constant battle. She has now picked her favorite toys and much to the our delight they are easy and keep her happy.
We tried feeding her an avocado this week but since her ability to swallow without the sucking motion hasn't developed yet we are sticking to the easy and tasty bananas. Hopefully we will get the hang of this whole feeding her thing before she ends up eating the cookie dough off the spoon after making cookies!
Instead of being just a little sunshine in our lives, she is now our little penguin too because of the cute hat she got for Christmas. It is fluffy, soft and the most adorable thing I've ever seen her wear since I first saw her in her PJs her first month.

Mommy misses when she used to fall asleep on her for Sunday naps but gets close to the feeling when she falls asleep in the wrap during the walks. It seems to be getting easier and easier to love her every day because she is growing into such a spirited and giggly girl.
Us parents are doing well and enjoying being back in a routine with school and work again. Time seems to be moving so fast and yet crawling by in some ways and we are amazed that it has been 5 months already since Claire joined our lives. She still seems so small but is learning so fast.

No Time to Waste

With life getting back to the craziness of having two jobs and being a full time mom and wife, I've brainstormed ways to save time and my sanity. For some reason my new favorite thing is to make lists so I have a list of how I save time during the week

1. Meal prepping
This is saving my time daily because it saved me the craziness of cooking and cleaning up on a daily basis. I've set a specific time for meal prep each week and focus on certain things to make the week go by easier and hopefully make it less stressful. I have picked what meals we will be eating and thaw the meat, make a grocery list, portion things out, and bake what I can. I didn't do all these this week but here are some I have done in the past:

• Frozen waffles to toast for quick breakfasts
• Baked muffins for some breakfast variety
• Portioned carrots and celery sticks with homemade hummus for lunches or snacks
• Weighed portions of peanuts and almonds for snacks
• Sliced onions and tomatoes to be ready for sandwiches
• Homemade bread
• Freezer meatballs
• Chicken nuggets (or could do tenders)

2. Free up space
I've noticed that when my house is clean and I don't have as much stuff laying around the house I seem happier so I've started parting ways with things I don't need. It helped that there was a place to give it that would help people I know and I was able to feel good about donating things I don't use anymore. Going through parts of my house one at a time getting rid of a few things at a time made it a smaller task that I could handle and not feel overwhelmed.

3. Making a schedule
Even if I am not following this schedule perfectly, it was so nice to have it down on paper saying what activity I am doing at a certain time. I even scheduled my workouts and meals into this because I wanted to see how much time I would have when I'm not working. I liked seeing how many hours I'm working verses how much free time I have each day and set time aside to work on when I do certain chores.

4. Rearranging
This may only help me because of how my brain works, but the more times I rearrange my living room, bedroom, and other parts of my house the more organized I feel. This goes along with freeing up space because as I do this, even though it takes time to do, it helps my life be less stressed because I am getting things in order. Altogether it is a part of feeling more organized in my own house that makes this one a way to relieve stress.

5. Being creative with random things
We recently thawed our wedding cake for our anniversary and tried to eat some but were overwhelmed with the sugar from normal pieces. The frosting was the worst part of trying to eat a piece even when we ate it to celebrate being married for two years. As it was sitting in the fridge I was worried it would begin to go bad and it seemed like such a waste so....we crumbled it all in a bowl and made cake pops! They are now easy to eat when we get a sweet craving and the frosting doesn't take over the flavor and end up in the trash. If I had thought of this before we ever had it frozen after our wedding it would have been so much easier!

6. Use free time to relax and recharge
I generally use all the free time I can to play with my adorable daughter and watch her learn and grow so I don't miss out. She has officially tried her first food, frozen bananas stuffed into this extremely messy, mesh thing. She seemed to like it more and ate as much as she could get from it so we've given her about a third or fourth of one every day this week. It took me a while to admit she is ready for food but I know I have to let go of her being an infant and completely reliant on me so she can grow big and strong.

Gratitude for life

A new year has come and it seems like we will all be more busy than ever, but then why take time out of my schedule to write a blog? For me, it is a small way to get my feelings out of my head and down on paper (or the electronic equivalent), and to share with friends and family what is happening with our lives. I have loved to journal since I was younger and the entries were mostly meaningless, but at least it gave me a habit and even a love of sharing the important life moments. Going back and reading some of them from many years ago brings people, feelings, and happiness back to my mind.

The phenomenon of talking to myself has become overwhelmingly present since having a baby and I find the need to express my thoughts more every day. This isn't a new feeling though, I was a sub which limited the amount of my interaction to the students I saw. I don't nearly get enough time to converse with friends as I used to and although I have a wonderful husband who loves to listen to me talk, my interaction is lacking outside of that. I don't mean to complain but with this understanding of why I would blog, I have a better understanding of myself and hope you do too.

On to the real reason for my thoughts today: how grateful we am for all our blessings in the past year and looking forward to this next year of growth and learning.

1. Being a parent.

I consider this to be the most important blessing we received this past year and something I personally have wanted to do my whole life. I was blessed with knowing what professional career I wanted early in my education but before all that I was 110% sure I wanted to be just like my mom and have a family. This whole being a parent thing comes with some ups and downs but when I follow the best parenting advice out there I know things will turn out great. The best parenting advice out there is: follow your instinct! We were trusted with the care of this perfect little spirit and that means we alone know what is best for her and our family, even if that instinct is to ask someone for help, we are guided to know what to do. We will feel blessed the rest of my life no matter what happens because we now have Claire in our eternal family.

2. Having the Church in our lives.
Not only were we both raised as part of the Church of Jesus Christ here in the latter days, we are living in one of the best wards we could have chosen without even knowing it. We have been blessed with great friendships and wonderful opportunities for growth and service as well as having help when we need it. I have a real love for these people in our ward who are in similar situations and still find time to reach out in friendship. Our bishop is the perfect amount of caring and goofy to make our time in the ward be wonderful and fun. This ward helped us keep our commitments and grow in the gospel so when our children start to learn the gospel we can help them find their own testimony.

3.Teaching English early in the morning.
Anyone who doesn't know that I teach for an online Chinese company called VIPKID should know one thing: this is so convenient and perfect for almost anyone! It has been a fabulous job to have and we feel blessed that I was able to teach through the summer and the time I took off from subbing to stay at home as a mom. The blessings of a flexible schedule, early morning teaching that doesn't interfere with other obligations, an added income, ease of traveling, and to do what I love all from home make it perfect. On top of being a perfect job I also enjoy teaching these Chinese students English because it is so fun and rewarding! I may complain about being tired most days but it is all worth it to see the improvement in the students I see.

4. Claire!
This has to be a different category than being a parent because she is what blesses our lives more than anything and makes us happier than we could have ever imagined being. She is growing so fast and I am sad I might miss any of her sweet smiles while working, not made easier when I get videos and pictures of her from my husband while at school! She is almost 5 months old and we have been able to observe her personality coming through more and more; curious, adventurous, stubborn, and so much more vocal. The changes that have happened over the holidays have made us realize how fast she is growing and we cannot wait to see who she will be in the future.

5. Chris's military benefits.
We have been so lucky to have the financial support that the military gives those who go to school and the unparalleled health care they provide for the family. We see the blessings when we look at our situation every month as we budget and find that we only spent more than we made the months Chris was not in school. Knowing that we are secure in our finances helped us be happy about the decisions we made and not worry that bringing Claire into the world would be hard on any of us. The military is an honorable profession and we've been blessed to not have to go through a deployment yet either (still praying for that not to come soon). Although we don't know if our situation will keep us a military family, I will forever be grateful for the way it has helped us in our early years as a couple and family.

6.  Getting back to substitute teaching.
School will start soon for Chris and we've been able to figured out a schedule that works for me to sub some days. I know being away from my daughter will be hard, but we decided it is something I was going to start back up. My long days at school will not go by fast or be as great as being at home with Claire, but I know this is what will help my future career. I am so grateful to have a flexible schedule and a sub coordinator who will work with me and is understanding of our situation. She told me she is very excited I decided to sub again and will always call me first for jobs because we have a good history. I feel overly blessed to have made a good impression with her during my subbing last year that she is so willing to give me work as often as she can.

7. For health and strength.
Not to brag...but look at that mile time! I was able to recover from delivery more quickly than I expected and was jogging a mile in 15 minutes just 6 weeks after having Claire. I think running basically a 9-minute mile time within 4 months of being allowed to workout again was an incredible blessing. Not only is my speed returning, but my endurance as well because within a week, I also did a 5K under 35 minutes. I have been blessed with free time to work out and also the ability to gain my strength back with no problems, and I only see improvement in my future as we start to hit the weights again. As we support each other in our health goals, we help each other feel good about our lives and know that we will teach our children how to be happy with their health, too.

Other blessings include:
8. Daily food.
9. Family that lives close.
10. Two fully paid off cars.
11. No student loan payments.
12. Loyal and good friends.
13. Time to develop talents.
14. An adequate apartment.
15. Generous people.
16. Financial security.
17. Safety while traveling.
18. A good doctor.
19. BYU-I and its teachers.
20. A close temple.