How to Long Distance Love

How to long distance love!

I've mentioned how Chris and I started our relationship without knowing each other when he was in South Korea and when we decided to date he was in Idaho while I was in Missouri. I thought it would be helpful to give ways we made things work so well and share how to make long distant relationships bearable. We had another time where we were long distance after we got married and he had a job 4 hours away, but there will be time in the future that we are bound to be apart. This is not advice suggesting you do long distance because it does suck, but I want to help people who have found themselves in the situation. 

Communication

This is what should be the foundation of every relationship if you want it to be a good experience whether the outcome is marriage or a break up. There wasn't a day that passed that Chris and I would at least say good morning and good night to each other so we stayed connected. If he was busy during the day and I had work in the evening so there wasn't time to talk, a text that shares our desires to be in each other's worlds helped tremendously. There also should be reasons behind not being able to talk on the phone that make it clear you aren't trying to avoid the other person. If you can't make them a priority when they want to talk, it puts a strain on the relationship that has no business being there. Also be willing to listen to other persons day and make sure you ask them questions to show that you are interested in their life.

Honesty 

As with any relationship, this is the most important part along with communication that can help a relation with distance survive. No matter what stage of a relationship you are in, honesty can make or break what could be between the two of you. This also includes if feeling are starting to change now that you two are apart, and even if you think it might hurt the other person. Sharing what you are thinking and feeling can help prevent anyone from getting hurt in the future, just like you would want to know what they are thinking. I know that Chris and I were honest when we said we didn't like playing games or being manipulated while in a relationship and shared when we felt like we were being mistreated.

Trust

Another no brainer on this one because every relationship needs trust, but more so in a long distance relationship. If you don't trust the person, there will be a lot of paranoia and that will create so many problems between you and your significant other. Trust is something that needs to be expressed and the two of you can only have if you have honesty and communication constantly. If you think you are starting to not trust your partner then it is time for a serious talk again about how things are going between you two. 

Planning

When you are far away from a significant other, there should always be planned a way to see each other next. Don't end a trip to see each other with "I can't wait to see you again," instead say "I will see you in [enter length of time], and I can't wait!" There will be some times that life gets crazy and plans go astray, but most the time if you make the effort to set a time to see each other again, it will happen. Depending on the distance, planning to see each other can be hard, but as long as there is a time you know is in the future that you be together, anticipation will help pass that time more quickly than you think.

Participate

Surprisingly enough, it is easy to start thinking of yourself as single when you aren't around your significant other. I noticed this happened more with a couple who were married for a long time and got separated for a time when he got a job and she was getting things together to join him. It is easy to forget about the little details of the others lives when you have a new life you are 'starting' somewhere else. Remember to participate in the relationship in all the ways you can by communicating, sending packages, taking pictures of things to share, and reminding the other person you love them.

Save

So this has more to do with the benefit that long distance can have since when you save messages, letters, or other things the were shared between the two of you, it makes it special. Make a big deal about putting things in a special box like souvenirs from places you went together when you went on dates, pictures of the two of you, and other things that make you think of each other. When things seem tough and life is hard being separated, look in the box and remember you are happy together and things will be happy again. What really helps in this box would be if you had a record from when you two started to date and the flirting that went on between you.

Commitment

It has to be said, there must be commitment between the parties and if there isn't full commitment from both people then its just not going to work. There is no way to force a relationship when someone doesn't want it so if they aren't showing interest, it is time to let it go and move on. When both people are committed, the distance doesn't seem to matter as much and every problem can be solved by just talking through what is going wrong and changing how you show each other you love them. If 

*Keep in mind that this advice is coming from someone who dated a lot of different people and the only relationship that turned into marriage was the one that was long distance so it can work. If things seem to not be working out it just may not be the right person, I had to wait for the right time and the right person to come into my life and I thought I had to wait forever!

Update on what is really important:

Claire is learning to blow bubbles just to get attention and is loving putting everything into her mouth that is near her. Keeping the house and objects clean in an effort to protect her from too many germs is becoming a constant battle. She has now picked her favorite toys and much to the our delight they are easy and keep her happy.
We tried feeding her an avocado this week but since her ability to swallow without the sucking motion hasn't developed yet we are sticking to the easy and tasty bananas. Hopefully we will get the hang of this whole feeding her thing before she ends up eating the cookie dough off the spoon after making cookies!
Instead of being just a little sunshine in our lives, she is now our little penguin too because of the cute hat she got for Christmas. It is fluffy, soft and the most adorable thing I've ever seen her wear since I first saw her in her PJs her first month.

Mommy misses when she used to fall asleep on her for Sunday naps but gets close to the feeling when she falls asleep in the wrap during the walks. It seems to be getting easier and easier to love her every day because she is growing into such a spirited and giggly girl.
Us parents are doing well and enjoying being back in a routine with school and work again. Time seems to be moving so fast and yet crawling by in some ways and we are amazed that it has been 5 months already since Claire joined our lives. She still seems so small but is learning so fast.